Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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