God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
