Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
