Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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