i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
