it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
