Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
