he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
