I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
