I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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