suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
