Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
