somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
