Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
