you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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