i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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