11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
