So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
