guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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