Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
