I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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