So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
