Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
