Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
