Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
