i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
