20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
