yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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