Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
