we have pet lesbian snakes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Randomize
