Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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