i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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