My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
