Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
