I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
