i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Screwed.edu
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
