I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
