I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
