I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
