Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
