Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
