She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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