I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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