using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
