I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
