I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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