Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
