respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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