I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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