apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Randomize
