Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
